New Year's Eve Self Consciousness
Halfway through my journey from fit2fat, my wife and I tried a little experiment. After watching me suffer through various food challenges, she decided to “belly up to the bar” and participate in one herself. And as I reviewed the results on the blog, I invited my wife to offer her own perspective. While the results were probably entertaining and humorous for my followers, her perceptions were eye opening for me. It was interesting to see the same experience from an observer’s perspective, and how the unrestricted diet and lack of exercise had changed me.
Now months into my fat2fit journey, I thought it would be interesting to see just how closely our perceptions lined up. Were we seeing things the same as the weight continued to drop off? Or was I still carrying a little extra “baggage” (the non-tangible kind) from being overweight?
Below is a review of New Year’s Eve – the first real date night we had been able to get in months, and a night on the town that would challenge us both in unforeseen ways.
Drew's Perspective: We had a great time this New Year's Eve with some close friends. We were able to go to a fun party at a Marriott hotel where they had a themed "An Affair to Remember" party. We were all dressed up and they had a DJ, food, and other fun activities. It was the first time my wife and I stayed up past midnight without having the kids to worry about.
Things were going great, but I noticed that in such a big environment with a lot of people I started to feel self-conscious. I felt like I was the "fat" husband with a skinny hot wife. I didn't have a lot of confidence, especially going out on the dance floor with her. Despite my protests, I ended up dancing after my wife begged and pleaded. I felt incredibly self-conscious. Things were jiggling all over the place, and I was sure that everyone could see it. Overall, it was a fun evening, but I do have to admit that I still don't feel 100% confident without having my fit body back.
For me, this New Year's Eve was about feeling like a "woman" instead of a "mom". All you moms out there know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a kid-free night where I wear something that I'm not worried about getting spit up on, high heels (instead of my flat, orthopedic-friendly shoes), plan on staying up past midnight (and NOT with a screaming baby)...FUN evening with my husband and some close friends to ring in the new year.
We went to a party that had several activities including dancing/DJ and several food stations. The evening started out great with us filling our plates with some delicious foods and catching up with friends as the DJ put on some of our favorite tunes. After a while the fun was about to crank up... that's right... DANCING!
My spirits were pretty high even though Drew was hesitant to come out on the dance floor. Fine, fine.. I'll dance with the girls and Drew will come out in a bit...or so I thought. Hour passed, and Drew was nowhere to be found. Closing on about two hours, I wondered if Drew might be allergic to the dance floor. At this point I started to get annoyed. Some nice old man came out and started dancing with me (I thought my husband's protective instinct would kick in but instead he appeared to give me a "thumbs up" like "awesome, now you're not lonely"... maybe it was the fact he was pushing 60?). But, come on. It’s not every night or YEAR we get this opportunity to be kid-free and have some fun. Though the evening was still fun with our friends I must admit I was sorely disappointed. In all, I finally got Drew to dance for two whole songs. I think he only conceded to this after realizing the pain of coming on the dance floor would be FAR less then the pain of having a full day or two of silent treatment as I punished him for ruining my New Year's Eve.
Funny thing is, I didn't understand what his problem was. I didn't see him as the "fat guy". He later told me how self-conscious he was. I felt a ping of guilt, as I didn't even think of it from his perspective. Did it give him a "get out of dancing with your wife all night" free card? Absolutely not! At least I got 2 dances in. Here's to next year when I have my confident husband back and NO EXCUSES!