Month 3 in Review

 Can you believe it?  Im over halfway through my fit to fat stage!  Of course, as you'll see in this month in review, I'm probably more than "half" of what I was aiming to be.  Momma always said I was an overachiever, though.  As with the first two months, we'll take a look at the physical, mental, and emotional realities of being 3 months into the human garbage disposal.  Then, we'll take a look at the biggest "a ha" moments so far.

Physical

  • 9 inches gained in my waist (at this rate I'll be as wide as I am tall)
  • 8 inches gained in my hips (I know what Shakira meant - my hips don't lie.  They show it all)
  • 48.5 lbs. gained in 13 weeks (at this rate, I'll gain over 90 lbs. in 6 months...it's like I'm ingesting small children)
  • More and more trips to the "used clothing" store this month.  (I think I've spent around $50 on new clothing, and that's just been my Spandex budget!)
  • Energy level is closer to a 6 out of 10 (It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed.  I'm perfecting the use of natural gravity to roll myself out)
  • The most painful thing so far is trying to sit down after a big meal (now that I think about it, maybe I should spend my money on something other than spandex)
  • My muscles get fatigued incredibly quickly (remember how I struggled to breathe while heading up the stairs?  Now it feels like 2-A-Days from football.  Then again, I almost have the physique of most football coaches anyway)

Mental

  • I feel like I'm actually addicted now to the foods that I had to force myself to eat when I first started 3 months ago (if you don't believe me, you should see how many times I've tried to inject Pepsi straight into the vein)
  • Foods I actually crave now: Spaghetti O's (20 cans were donated to us...they taste even better free!) Cinnamon rolls (my wife makes them once a week and she has lovingly labeled them "Drew midsection rolls"...awww, sweetie!)
  • Stopping my "manscaping" has made me a little more self conscious (then again, I've found an extra four hours everyday to lie around...I now have a lot more time (and hair!) on my hands these days!)
  • My wife seems to be getting more and more enjoyment out of making treats for me as she drinks her spinach shake after a daily run/workout (I console myself with a cinnamon roll covered in Spaghetti-O's...the things we do to cope!)

Emotional

  • Lazy is an understatement of what I've become.  I feel so bad for my wife.  She puts up with so much as she seems the one to be doing most of the housework now (I feel a tinge of guilt when I tell her my back hurts, and I roll to my other side on the couch).
  • My neighbors recently saw me mowing the lawn and 3 of them yelled at me that I'm not supposed to be exercising (How's that for being held accountable?  Then again, they probably let their wives mow the lawn...)
  • Being out in public is still hard.  I must look so awkward since I haven't gained any weight in my arms or legs.  I feel like a giant oompa loompa with skinny legs and skinny arms walking (even more embarassing, I actually had a child point at me and say "But daddy, I want one now!")
  • Unfortunately, the only thing that fits me now are shorts and t-shirts (I can't cover up those chicken arms and legs, since it's summer and it would be slightly awkward wearing an oversized hoodie and snow pants to Wal-Mart).
  • Although I know they're joking, I get made fun of by co-workers/family/friends/random strangers/kids that say "where did Santa's beard go, mommy?" (just kidding about that last one - they actually think I'm an overgrown reindeer - remember, no "manscaping").  
  • I actually haven't been made fun of or treated differently so far.  (I guess I need to go to places other than Wal-Mart though so I don't fit in as well - everytime I walk in there, they go out of their way to even welcome me!)
  • I also am starting to have doubts about really being able to lose this weight.  I know there's only one way to find out, but I read stories about others that have lost weight and it's very inspiring to me even though I've never had to experience that.  I always figured it would be so easy to lose weight, but now that it's my turn to do it.  I do get worried sometimes.  

This Month's "A Ha!" Moments

  • The unhealthier I eat, the healthier and the more my wife works out.  (I think she's desparately trying to balance us out...but honey, this scale is broken!)
  • I've started to feel "the jiggle" when I'm driving in the car and I hit a bump.  I can feel my "moobs" move around.  (The day I wander into the bra section is the day I return to spinach shakes)
  • I've finally figured it out!  I know why we always notice the butt cracks of overweight people when they bend over.  It just started happening to me as my "budonkadonk" has become ginormous.  The butt becomes so big that you can't pull up your underwear past the butt crack line (It's now a certifiable fact that it is physically impossible, unless you want to self-wedgie yourself, which...I...uh.....never WANT to do.  Yeah, that's the ticket)
  • I recently discovered the true meaning of "chafing".  (Seriously uncomfortable and now I have to use this powder stuff that everyone's been telling me about)
  • And finally, I have started to snore (my poor wife... and now I feel bad for feeling bad multiple times in a blog post.  Something tells me that Breathe Right strips for me would be more meaningful to her than roses)

To be honest, these have been the slowest 3 months of my life (and I'm not referencing the speed at which I walk now).  I can't wait for these next 3 months to fly by, but I still feel good enough to continue on this journey.  I really am learning so much and I feel like I will become a better teacher through this experience.  If I can turn every pound of knowledge into helping someone else lose an equal pound (and hopefully inspire and teach others to live healthier through this experience), then it's worth it.

To all of my followers, thank you.  To my wife, I promise I'll make it up to you.  I'll make you some cinnamon rolls or something!