Week 14 Food Challenge - Man Vs. Wife Vs. Food
14 weeks...14 food challenges. When you start getting into those kinds of numbers, a couple of things happen. 1) It starts to get depressing and 2) You start trying to "spice it up". After taking a seemingly mundane food challenge last week, and adding a timer to it, I was staring at another common eating experience this week - as many bagels w/ cream cheese that I could eat. So spice it up I did. Like pulling back the curtain on the Wizard of Oz, I present the first challenge with my wife out from behind the video camera. And as I am now clearly overweight, I thought it would be interesting to view "both sides of the bagel", if you will. Thus, this week's food challenge is presented in two versions - first, the unedited perspective of my wife. Second, my own depressing account of challenge #14. Ever the gentelman, I thought it was fair that I let her go first.
So why would I (Lynn.. aka the fat guy's wife) want to do a food challenge? Several reasons really... 1) I've always been behind the scene filming and thought it would be fun to be a part of the action 2) I like to "win", especially against my husband and 3) It was the "healthy food challenge week". How hard could it be to eat a bunch of healthy stuff, right?
In this case I bit off a little more then I could chew (literally). Out of all the options (of course), the most unhealthy option (bagels smothered in cream cheese) won. At that point, I was about to back out but my husband seemed to think he needed the extra push/competition (I'm pretty sure he just was getting me back for the pancake challenge...he did ask several times what I put in the batter to make them so "heavy").
I consented to the challenge but really felt I deserved a handicap. I am, after all, HALF his weight, and though I do have a bigger appetite them most woman my size, I wasn't sure how competitive I'd be to my husband now that he's had 14 weeks to stretch out his stomach. So I figured half the size = half the food. Sounds fair, right?
We started with 3 bagels on my plate and 6 on his. Drew, as with all of his challenges, started biting and swallowing with minimal chewing. I took my time knowing that he would slow down and I'm more of the slow and steady tortoise. It appeared that we were about on pace (I finish one, he finishes two), but as I had expected he started to slow and I kept the same pace.
Off film, my husband asked me several times if I was full. "Don't you think you're about done? That's a lot of bread. You can stop whenever you need to. " I'm pretty sure he was a little scared at this point that he might lose. I started on #4 and he was looking even more worried. By the time I got to #5 (he was still on his 6th) I think he realized I wasn't as easy of a competitor as he had hoped.
I knew when I finished #5 that he would never get to ten bagels or probably even close. What I thought was actually interesting was how awful he thought the bagels tasted. Granted they weren't a delicious strawberry cake with whip cream frosting (like he downed in a previous challenge), but they weren't nearly as disgusting as he protrayed. I realized that his taste buds have adapated to their new cinanmon toast crunch diet.
So out came all the excuses, and eventually the towel was thrown in by my sweet chub chub of a husband. Of course, instead of admitting defeat completely, he still chimed in "I technically did eat more then you because I ate 6 and you ate 5.. so if it weren't for your rule"... ya sure Drew...whatever will make you sleep better at night. Speaking of sleep, can my prize for winning be you sleeping in the guest bedroom so I could have ONE snore-free night? Pretty please?
I had the...ahem...pleasure of reading Lynn's perspective before writing mine, which gave me some added ammunition...errr...I mean "perspective" for my own section. Lynn, consider this my rebuttal. I won't use the typical excuses (i.e. the sun was in my eyes, I ate twice as much food throughout the day as she did, I was still full from last week's szechuan chicken pasta bread stick challenge, or that the extra hair on my body somehow made less room for my stomach). I'll have to find new, unique excuses instead. Wait, was that out loud?
Anyways, I have to admit that I wasn't overjoyed about another bread challenge. My jaw was still sore from last week's food challenge (and NO, it had nothing to do with eating a lot of crow after personally sabotaging my last food challenge). Plus, I was hoping for the all you can eat salad, or even oatmeal challenge to win. I will mention, now that I think about it, that the oatmeal challenge might have REALLY been the gift that kept on giving, but that's another challenge for another week. Maybe I can punish myself and add milk to it! That should make an interesting combination - lactose intolerant + fiber rich oatmeal! Yeow. Speaking of lactose, maybe that's why I let my wife participate in this one. Half for the challenge, half for the moral support as more lactose crossed my path (curse you, spotted cows! *pumps fist).
Yes, I did start out fast with this one because I figured I knew how to do challenges. To fill you in on my expertise after 14 challenges, you eat as fast as you can so your brain doesn't know your full until it's too late (and before you realize that you're in pain for the next 6 hours - but at least you won!). I figured I had her beat before it even began. With my first bite of the 100% whole wheat bagel with fat-free cream cheese, it felt like I was biting into cardboard with a wet white substance in between it (a diet free of restriction might have caused me to sample unusual flavors in our garage, okay?!). Let's just say this was the 2nd most tasteless challenge yet (don't even get me back on the "is it a burrito, or is it dirt wrapped in a tortilla tantrum again!).
We all know about Lynn's little "rule" for this challenge, which was totally unfair in my opinion, but I do secretly see her point. Technically she might've won this challenge since I ate 6.1 bagels and she ate 5. Forget that I actually tried to convert a single bite of a bagel into a decimal point. Especially forget that I just admitted my wife won. Thank goodness I'm not going to say that publically on my blog.
All in all, this didn't really end up being about how much I could eat, but more about how long I could withstand the torture of eating cardboard. I'll redeem myself though and maybe try an extra challenge this week. We'll see.
Oh, and as far as the snoring thing goes, babe, I've already started looking on Amazon for diamond covered ear plugs. Just be grateful. I'm not sure how much longer until you're asking me to sleep in the guest room because our memory foam mattress suddenly forgets to remove the "Grand Canyon" from my side of the bed.