Week 8 - Food Challenge - Corn Dog Chowdown

I have to be honest.  As much as I'm packing the pounds on and developing the finer points of a "gut" to be proud of (how's that for ownage), the food challenges seem to be coming faster than a typical week.  It feels like 3 days ago that the Colonel winked a little too much at me, 2 days ago that the phrase "have your cake and eat it too" took on a whole new meaning, and 1 day ago that I discovered the finer points of how far you can stretch the word "burrito" and not be lying when you try to sell it.  So here I sat - another week...another challenge.

Again, a bit of honesty.  I'm still not sure that I had fully recovered from what we'll just call "the burrito incident".  I keep seeing the "filling" everywhere.  And not in a good way.  Let's just say if Willy Wonka decided to build a factory using the alleged burrito filling as opposed to a chocolate factory, I don't even think Veruca Salt would be "wanting an oompa loompa now!"

But enough about the burrito substance only previously found at Area 51.  This week provided a more common foe - and one that fit the Independence weekend quite well - as many corn dogs as I could eat.  Granted, it wasn't the challenge that I was hoping would win, but I gave up that dream long ago.  In fact, next week I'm thinking of just putting "salad" in the poll just to see if I can take a breather.  Okay, not really, but I can dream, right?

So as the thought of corn dogs danced in my head, I decided to add a twist to this week's food challenge - I added an opponent (other than the actual food, of course).  My brother-in-law decided to set up to a competition to see who could make the most corn dogs disappear.  Normally, I wouldn't want someone to have to experience what I put myself through, and I especially wanted to try to do right by him - he is overweight and I didn't want to provide him with ammunition for a tell-all book down the road.  Plus, it clearly goes against the point of my journey - to help people get fit.  So in order to ease my conscience, make the food challenge more interesting, and to force someone else into these videos, I made him promise that the only way I would let him do this with me is if he committed to joining me on my journey back to fit.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have felt right about having him in on this challenge because he really does need to lose the weight and he knows that, so I'm proud of him for committing.  One day, I'll tell him that his love of breaded hot dogs turned his life around.  I'm already smelling a new blog entitled "I let the dogs out".  Okay, maybe not.  Yeah, that's not image I was going for....oh, dear...

So the challenge was nearly underway, and I'm not going to lie.  I did feel a bit intimidated at first because of his size.  But I had an ace up my sleeve.  I decided to go with a new brand of corn dog...

Okay, really, after last week, did you think I'd do that again?  I may be addicted to all manner of twinkies, but I'm at least smart enough to learn SOME lessons from these food challenges.  Anyway, back to feeling intimidated - I thought I might have picked the wrong person to join this challenge.  He might embarrass me.  But then I remembered all those professional competitive eaters and how skinny they all usually are, so I felt there was some hope.  That's right ladies and gentleman.  I put my hopes for a victory into the fact that 100 lb. Asian celebrities eat more hot dogs than overweight people.  Look, ma!  I've come so far.

As we ate the first couple he had a slight lead, which made me push myself a little faster than normal, but he ended up being the hare and I was the tortoise.  And if you've seen the Bugs Bunny version (you know you're more familiar with that then the actual book), you'll know that no matter what the hare does, the tortoise always ends up winning.  As we went through corn dog after corn dog (mmm...non-descript breading!), he stopped at 7 and I plowed through another 4.  That's right.  11 corndogs vs. 7.  I guess there was something to those competitive eating contests after all.

The moral of the story?  There's a few, actually:

  1. Keep to the brands you are used to
  2. Coerce someone into a competition for the sake of their own health - and then win the competition!
  3. Don't show me a corn dog for about 4 months
  4. When you go to vote for next week's challenge, please choose "salad"
  5. Never, ever, ever create a blog entitled "I let the dogs out".  Oye.