Week 11 - Food Challenge - 50 "Chicken" Nuggets

11 weeks into this journey, 11 food challenges down.  It seems like every week has brought a new level of difficulty - whether it be sheer quantity (corn dogs/pancakes), stomach-ache inducing (fudge covered brownies and ice cream), or foreign substance (I still am Googling the burrito substance, some weeks later).  This week's was a mix of all of them - sheer quantity (50 of them), stomach-ache inducing (uhhh...this is McDonald's, after all!), and foreign substance (I think they use the term "chicken" very loosely here).  The difference, however, is that they are little gifts of fried goodness.  So, it is with confidence and a full stomach, that I present - the 50 Nugget Challenge - one chicken nugget at a time...

  1. One nugget down, while I set the scene.  This was not the best week for a food challenge.  I have been incredibly busy with work, so at least this challenge played to McDonald's strengths - fast and furious.
  2. I performed this challenge in the car, while driving.
  3. Which meant while the nuggets were disappearing, I had to also keep an eye on the road...
  4. And the speedometer...
  5. And the temperature control...(both for my fast clogging arteries and the scorched fingers from handling mini fireballs of chicken something)
  6. And find the right song...(I suddenly felt a kinship with the singing of "I like big butts and I cannot lie"
  7. And monitor my blind spot...
  8. And undo my belt...(I'm as good at this with one hand as a woman with a bra....ahem...or, uh...so I've heard...yeah, onto number 9!)
  9. And loosen my pants (after the fiasco at #8, we'll just keep on going)
  10. And marvel at the fact that I can't remember the last car ride where I didn't incorporate this routine...
  11. And marvel at the fact that my wife still was my wife...
  12. And look out for cops...(yeah, that wouldn't be an awkward traffic stop!)
  13. At this point, I had already polished off my first box of nuggets and was knee deep into Box #2
  14. Which leads me into the joys (and surprising diversity of) McDonald's dipping sauces
  15. Ranch - the classic.  White something with flecks of black something.  Mmmmm...
  16. BBQ - in other words, KC Masterpiece in an itty bitty box
  17. Chiptole BBQ - you know, when the traditional fare just doesn't do, and your nugget needs a southwest kick
  18. Honey - when you're craving something with cartoon bees on the front
  19. Honey Mustard - after you realized that pure honey on a nugget could single-handedly cause diabetes
  20. Spicy Mustard - when you're over honey completely and now need to really start doing a number on your digestive system
  21. Ketchup - it seems a little drab after the variety already experienced, doesn't it?
  22. Extra creamy ranch - I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking the first stuff was too runny...my shirt and pants agree!
  23. Sweet N Sour - for the indecisive nugget connoisseur,  or the person that has it have his cake and eat it too! 
  24. Spicy Buffalo Wing Sauce - yeah, because these are practically boneless chicken wings, minus the chicken
  25. Two boxes were completely empty, and I purposefully ignored the fact that both were glistening in the summer sunlight as if they were made of 90% lard and 10% paper product
  26. I then started marveling at a few things so far through this challenge
  27. I was over halfway and really wasn't feeling any side effects
  28. This is probably due to the fact that I wasn't challenging my lactose intolerance
  29. Or trying a new brand in a food challenge
  30. Or asking my wife to make the food for my challenge (I kid, sweetie.  Hugs and kisses!)
  31. Or pulling someone into the challenge to really put the pressure on
  32. I also found myself playing a game of creative stacking of empty boxes - I had two put away and was already into #3
  33. I also have to give myself credit for only spilling 3 of the sauces
  34. Ranch (not the extra creamy...that was like a mini-cement block) on my pants
  35. Honey (let's be honest - whenever you eat honey, you're getting it somewhere you shouldn't) on the steering wheel
  36. And spicy buffalo sauce (I think my shirt was attracted to the bright orange, not of this world color) on the shirt
  37. Hey, at least I didn't spill anywhere around my loosened belt...
  38. I also consoled myself with the fact that these little nuggets must be small enough to not cause stretch marks
  39. Which made me eat the next one...
  40. Two...
  41. Three...nuggets a bit faster, probably out of pure stress at wondering if I hadn't loosened the belt early enough on the drive, and could be facing another night of pregnancy lotion induced insanity
  42. But I also really was showing my multi-tasking skill by starting to make origami animals out of the 4 discarded nugget boxes, also while driving
  43. And then I realized that all of this had only taken me 9 minutes so far...
  44. Which made me start doing math and realizing I was downing just about 4.5 of these a minute...
  45. Or one every 13.33 seconds...
  46. Or about a box and a half for every full track of "Big Butts" blaring out of my stereo...
  47. At which point I suddenly realized I only had 3 nuggets left,  I suddenly pictured the entire group of nuggets lined up in an endless parade to my stomach
  48. Which started to frighten me slightly when I thought of what might happen when my digestive system met 50 little non-chicken (but we'll call it chicken anyway) nuggets
  49. But then I figured my one-hand belt trick could just make more room...
  50. Right before the clock struck 11 minutes, and the nuggets were no more.  

And as I drove down the road, with a prideful smirk on my face, I didn't know that my stomach would start to wail in agony about five minutes later.  I didn't fully contemplate that I had probably forced the McDonald's to cook an entire new batch of nuggets just because of me.  No...the only thought on my mind was...what am I going to do with all of these half filled cups of dipping sauce if I have to slam on the brakes?

With that, I loosened the belt a bit more, checked my blind spot, and turned the radio up a little more...all while looking out for patrolling cops, of course.