I've never really understood it when a restaurant advertised something around "all you can eat". I'm not talking about the local buffet, where a parade of overcooked foods sit under heating lamps, which somehow physically pull moisture out of everything (even the water makes you more thirsty). No, I'm referencing the "endless pasta", "all-you-can eat wings", or the ever popular - "endless stack of pancakes". In my fitlifestyle, I couldn't imagine my mind letting me get through the first plate (this probably had a name for it - food guilt, gut prevention, or trainer ego might be fitting descriptions). So as the cavalcade of food challenges continue, I thought this week's selection would be an interesting one - all you can eat pancakes. Maybe those restaurants know more than I think they do.
After last week's debacle (see the "What the Fuddrucker?" Challenge), I was committed to a few new things this week:
Nothing where I spent $20 for the pleasure of vomiting in a "sanitary" restaurant lavatory
Something from the comfort of my own home, so if I failed, only my wife would point and laugh
I figured for one of these "all you can eat" food challenges, it was important to set a goal. I set a high bar of 20 pancakes, and to really make this a challenge, I decided to let my wife make them. Just kidding dear. Don't look at me like that, I'm just making a funny. Yes, I'm fine sleeping on the couch (as stated in my last post, the channel surfing never gets old).
I joke, but it was very nice of my wife to provide homemade, not burnt (again, I can't help myself. I'm aware that I'm digging the hole but can't put the shovel down) pancakes for the challenge. As an initial "dive" into the challenge, I took on 6 pancakes as my first plate. Now, it turned to my choice of topping, which really illustrated the fact that I'm lost somewhere between fit and Fat Albert. The available toppings in the house:
Low Calorie syrup (Walmart brand - now you know how big of a spender I am)
Whipped cream (straight from the can...you know you're eating "American" when you get your whipped cream from what is basically an aerosol can)
Butter (my hips have become big fans...I'm looking for the Facebook page where I can "Like" butter publicly and formally)
As tempting as the 2-year old syrup was (I never ate the stuff before), I went with the winning combination of butter and whipped cream. 6 pancakes up, 6 pancakes down. With the Fuddrucker's Challenge now in the rearview mirror, I was brimming with confidence (and lard).
Plate #2 also had 6 pancakes. This is where the pancakes started getting harder (must resist referencing pancake quality for fear that my wife might handcuff me to the lawnmower as punishment). It honestly felt like each pancake weighed a pound. And here I thought the air whipped cream made these things lighter! As I completed Plate #2, a new sensation joined the challenge - sleepiness. Suddenly, visions of going back to bed were floating in my mind. The pancakes started to look like cozy little pillows. My wife had to pull the syrup bottle from my hands as I tried to use it to seal my eyelids closed for a bit of a shut eye (with every challenge, I seem to find a new level of awkward in my marriage).
Pillow....errr....Plate #3 started the downward slope. I only piled four on this time, and though I finished them, it took me over 20 minutes. By this point, I was longingly looking at the hardwood floor like it was made of feathers. 8 hours of blissful peace awaited me just a few feet below my belly. I can't remember if I threw in the towel or my wife did, as she was probably disturbed at the looks of love I was giving to our kitchen floor. So with heavy eyelids, and an exhausted pancake cooker standing in the kitchen, the challenge concluded.
In all, I was able to finish 16 pancakes. While my original goal of 20 wasn't achieved, I did take solace in the fact that my reaction to this challenge was to sleep, and not to "hurl". I can handle those side effects much better! But this challenge (as I continue to try to understand the world, from the perspective of an overweight person) pushed me into another idea.
Towards the end of my journey to fat, I now plan on revisiting these types of food challenges to see if I've improved. Just think - more dates with my wife where I get to take her to fine, upstanding experiences like "Drew vs. The Colonel: Part 2, Krispy Kreme Sequel, Corn Dogs Revenge, and, of course, the Fuddrucker Reunion Show. Sorry ladies, I'm taken. You know you're thinking "why doesn't my husband take me to Corn Dog Revenge!?". Then again, maybe I'll be on the market after my wife reads this blog. It's time to go into recovery mode, folks.
Sweetie, those were the BEST pancakes I've ever had when eating 16 of them. Hugs and kisses.
I'm still sleeping on the couch, aren't I?