Week 5 - Food Challenge - The "What Was I Thinking" KFC Bucket O' Chicken

As I confidently walked into KFC, having conquered all but one of my food challenges so far (my only failure was the first one - give me a break!), I felt this was going be another easy challenge for me.  I waltzed in, gave the Colonel a wink, ordered a 12-piece bucket (one-half original recipe, one-half extra crispy), and got myself a Mountain Dew.  I came into this pretty hungry too.  I had disciplined myself to only have breakfast - that's right.  No second breakfast today.  So my chicken and my challenge were ready to go.

The first piece went down in approximately 21 seconds.  That's right.  The "fit to fat" me has exchanged exquisite and romantic dates with my wife for the two of us sitting in a KFC, me starting at my own "bucket" and her holding a stop watch.  Yes, I'm that much of a catch.  She's a lucky woman.  Anyway, the next piece must've been right out of the fryer because it was still sizzling - which made it slightly harder to inhale.  At this point, I started wondering if the Colonel on the wall was mocking me.  With every piece, the heat seemed to increase.  Did the Colonel just wink at me?  He's been smiling the entire time.  

The taste was good, but eventually the salt and the grease started to get to me.  For the first time since the "Krispy Kreme incident", I started to feel nauseous.  Sadly, I was only on piece #5.  By this time, the Colonel seemed to be chuckling at me.  Or was that a mirage from the grease in my eyes?  I couldn't lose to a 100-year old Southern cartoon.  So I fought back and threw down as much as I could.  3.5 pieces later, the grease was really getting to me.  So I threw my hands into the air, and let the Colonel claim victory.    

Now that I think about it, the Colonel had accomplices.  There was an innocent bystander to my "cage fight" with the bucket of chicken.  He watched with curiosity, and then felt the need to talk to me about what I was doing.  Sure, I got another follower to my journey, but I could tell he was an agent of the Colonel.  My explanations of my journey took about 5 minutes.  It allowed the grease to seep into my pores.   

Then again, the sun was also in my eyes, and the chicken pieces were abnormally large.  I have a sneaking suspicion the chicken pulled a Barry Bonds and 'roided up at the order of the dreaded Colonel.  Or at least, I'll keep telling myself that.

Now, to try and stop the grease sweats...