Week 24 Food Challenge - Excuse me sir? Can I borrow $1,700?

For the newer initiated followers of Fit2Fat2Fit, I believe a little explanation is in order. Each week, by popular vote, I take on some extreme food challenges. Sometimes it’s eating something incredibly fast. Other times, it’s all about quantity. Most of the time, it’s a combination of the two. I don’t do this because I think that every overweight person in the world tries to eat 5 lbs. of brisket on a weekly basis. But it’s more of a way to see how my ever-expanding waist and appetite have evolved. To show that continued overeating simply changes our body and mind’s idea of what “full” really means. Plus, I’m eating some foods that I’ve never let myself experience. And who wouldn’t love the chance to eat so much that the term “food coma” gets me out of cleaning, laundry, and yard work! It works like a charm… Beyond the reasons listed above, it also seems to be highly entertaining for my followers to see how much I can eat, and then to read about the extensive and creative excuses that I come up with to…ahem…explain my lack of success. I think I’ve even impressed my wife with a few of my more unique “reasons”. But this week’s tops them all. My reaction was equally interesting. This was supposed to be the week that I revisited my “Fuddrucker Challenge”. Again, to catch the newcomers up, the Fuddrucker Challenge includes a 1 lb. burger, 1 lbs. of bacon cheese fries, and a brownie sundae. Round one of this challenge didn’t go so well. Maybe it was the amount of food. Maybe it was the fact that I was eating dairy and am lactose intolerant. Quite possibly, it was because the brownie was bigger than my 2-year old, and I can’t stand fudge. Take your pick – any of them could be a perfect excuse…err…I mean, yes, that’s the reason I wasn’t able to succeed. As I showed up for my challenge, instead of being greeted with a life size brownie, ready to mock me again, I was face to face with a… … … Notice of Seizure! Apparently, the restaurant owed some entity of $1,700. It was probably concerning to my wife when I opened my wallet to see if I had enough to cover. What can I say? I was going to win this challenge! However, when I only found a couple dollars and my 42 McDonald’s monopoly pieces in there (1 in 4 wins? Yeah right!), and my wife physically restrained me from applying for personal loans on my smart phone, I walked back to the car, searching for an alternate challenge to fail at…I mean revisit and reign victorious! So the Fuddrucker Challenge quickly became the Pancake challenge. Early in my journey, my wife was good enough to make me homemade pancakes, of which I plowed through 16. Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t want to bankrupt us on Bisquick. Perhaps she didn’t want to clean up the mess. I’m guessing she was still mad that I wanted to single-handedly bail out Fuddruckers in the name of “research”. Whatever the reason, this pancake challenge would be supplied by the local IHOP. At the very least, I expected to quickly burn past my record of 16 pancakes and set a new standard. And the result? Queue the vast reasons why this didn’t go as well as I had hoped. No, these aren’t excuses. They’re well reasoned, logical explanations for a lack of overall performance related to providing sustenance to my ever-expanding waistline! In the end, I only ate 12 IHOP pancakes – 4 short of what I’d accomplished during my first go-round. I was ashamed and embarrassed once again, so I immediately went into the mode of figuring out those well reasoned, logical….oh forget it. 1. These pancakes were larger than last time (when I first saw them, I thought I was witnessing the landing of a UFO. Okay, not really, but it makes the pancakes sound bigger) 2. The pancakes took a bit longer to get out to me every time I ordered new ones (yep, I just blamed my failure on the literal definition of a “short stack”) 3. I worked 4 days in a row with incredibly long hours, during which I wasn’t able to eat (my stomach had to have shrunk to half its normal size) 4. I was distracted by the strange desire to order “Rooty Tooty Fresh N’ Fruity” just to annoy the server 5. I’m all out of reason, logic, or description of a lack of performance. Wow, that sentence could mean so many things. I’m talking about pancakes here, people! So here I sit, 1-1 on my revisited food challenges. When you think about it, it’s not that bad of a record. Well, it’s better than my record on all of my other food challenges anyway. This next week, I'll be in LA due to my appearance on The Tonight Show (Oct. 27th) so I won't be able to revisit my old challenges, but I’m sure I’ll find something there. I’ll then be down to 1 final food challenge. Which gives me 2 more weeks to start raising $1,700. Perfect!