Month 5 in Review

In the beginning this was fun.  Different was fun.  You have to understand, when I started moving from fit to fat, I was treating myself to the rest, relaxation, and indulgences that I had deprived myself of years.  Suddenly, every day was Christmas.  I could suddenly eat what I wanted when I wanted to (while not having to move a muscle).  Sounds fun right?  5 months in, different is no longer different.  This is now my routine.  And it’s just not fun anymore.  Dreading to walk up the stairs knowing that you'll be out of breath is not fun.  Not being able to play with your 2-year old due to chaffing and lack of stamina is not fun.  Being in constant discomfort and being self conscious no matter what you wear is not fun.  I guess I shouldn’t complain.  After all, in a month this all gets to move in reverse.  But as we’re not quite there yet, let’s look at our current month in review, breaking down the physical, mental, and emotional realities. Then, we'll take a look at the biggest "a ha" moments so far. Physical
  • 13 inches gained in my waist (I think I need to upgrade to the bigger hula hoop size)
  • 11 inches gained in my hips (Can someone say "birthing hips"?)
  • 70 lbs. gained in 23 weeks (Take that Mythbusters!  It is humanly possible to gain that much in such a short period of time)
  • Energy level is around 5 out of 10 (At this point, doing the Macarena would constitute as “high impact aerobics” for my poor body)
  • How do you make 5 lbs of fat look pretty?  You add a nipple and put it in a cute little pink bra from Victoria’s Secret.  Being that I’m a man and that’s not an option (well, not a viable one).  No, when you’re a man with more like 10 lbs. of fat on your chest, your followers start office pools called “Guess the cup size”.  The minute I get a “bro” in the mail instead of a cake, I’m calling it quits.
  • Mentally I notice I'm not as sharp as I used to be.  I'm sure it being football season hasn't helped either.  Strangely, I asked my wife and she said I seemed “pretty much normal in that category”.  Hmmm….
  • Speaking of laziness I've noticed that even though I'm hungry at times I get too lazy to even make a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal.
  • Hunger pains are so much more intense as a person that's overweight compared to when I was fit (let's just say that 7 hours without food is torture for someone my size.)  Don’t believe me?  My 2-year old found me attempting to see if there was actual “Strawberry Shortcake” in her doll).
  • Emotionally, I'm very self conscious about my body, not only in public to complete strangers, but even in front of my wife. It's tough when you know you're not attractive and you know your spouse isn't attracted to you (physically at least – thank God I have the mental edge with her.  Wait a minute…)
  • My wife says I have the male equivalent of PMS, but instead of it being once a month it's just a continual, never-ending cycle. I suppose I'm a little sensitive about my appearance.  To comfort myself I'm going to sit on the couch with my Ben & Jerry's and watch "Chocolat" with Johnny Depp (and only because my Steel Magnolias DVD has a scratch in it)
  • My blood work came back and informed me that my testosterone levels have plummeted to the levels of a prepubescent teenage boy.  Seriously? Can I feel any less manly?  (Of course, that might also explain the acne, voice changes, and obsession with the ongoing relationship of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez)
  • I'm just not the same, up-beat, happy Drew that I used to be. My wife pointed out that I can't seem to go 1 hour without complaining (I'll show her.  I've looked at the clock and held my tongue for 61 minutes!  Then again, that’s only because it takes too much energy to complain.  Bah, I’m tired.  Oh wait…)
This Month's "A Ha!" Moments
  • You may recall the blog post about me becoming Worst Father Of The Year. It bothers me to think of the affect I'm having on my kids’ lives right now.
  • While at a social gathering, someone so kindly informed me that my shirt was so tight my buttons looked like they were going to "pop" right off.  The problem was that it wasn't my old clothing but actually a newer "large" shirt I had bought. I can't seem to convince my wife I need to buy yet another set off even LARGER clothing to get me through this last month.  (I also didn’t hear from that person again, because one of the buttons popped off and nearly decapitated him.)
  • I bought a bag of water softener salt the other day. Sadly, since I haven't exercised in the past 5 months I realized I was barely able to lift the bag from the pallet to my cart and from my cart to the car. Looking at the weight it said "40 lbs". I then realized I was "carrying" around almost TWO of those on my body now.  I also firmly regret not taking advantage of “drive and load” service.
  • My wife and I had a serious discussion of how we thought this journey has had a negative impact on our marriage. All joking aside, we spoke about the physical, emotional, and mental side effects this project has caused and how it's caused some "tension" in the home. It made us think and realize that there are probably millions of couples that have similar qualms that may steam from one or both partners being overweight. Luckily for my wife this emotional, lazier version of Drew is only temporary (look for more on this talk a bit later into this journey)
I'm not going to lie - with less then a month left, I am relieved and a little scared. Part of me fears it will be hard to curb some of my addictions (I keep a bottle of Mountain Dew and a bag of Captain Crunch under the bed.  When my wife found my stash I quickly defended myself "COME ON! OUR BEDROOM IS ON THE SECOND STORY!"  And the serious discussion of tension in the marriage was a surprise to me?  Oye…).  I guess I'm just sick of feeling like a different person.  I want the old Drew back. I know he’s in there somewhere, proud of his “A” cup.